


goodbyes

by smlinjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 10:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30121647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smlinjun/pseuds/smlinjun
Summary: [a renmin exes au wherein renjun saves his ex, jaemin—but who will save renjun?]The day Renjun accepted Jaemin’s offer of friendship, it was never his intention for it to turn out this way. It was like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode—and a Pandora’s box that was never meant to be open.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 12





	goodbyes

Renjun thinks that his life is meaningless, constantly questioning his self-worth. Which eventually led to craving other people’s validation—he thought he had to live to please others, and he never failed in doing so. Everyone adored that about him, that he strives hard to get everyone’s approval—aside from Jaemin.

Jaemin hated the fact that Renjun would always put others first before himself and that is how they got close—he was the only one who made Renjun feel like a human again. Jaemin read him like an open book, and he always hated the fact that he cannot guess what was running on the younger’s mind.

And just like that they slowly etched each other’s name on their hearts. Their relationship was going smoothly, Renjun being clingy as ever—he could not last a day without calling the other. They were going to different universities, they never matched schedules so he continuously felt bad, but still they were able to give each other time and attention.

But then again, Renjun was born to please everyone in his life—he was afraid of being discovered, to disappoint everyone around him for loving someone of the same sex, so out of nowhere he brought up the topic of breaking up and they eventually did. He never felt the pain of losing the other because he dated numerous girls to fill that void, for him not to feel the pain of losing Jaemin.

They both moved on with their lives, but Jaemin was a jolly person. He’s a person who’d cherish you until the end unless you wronged him, and since they broke up without resentment for each other—Jaemin insisted in being friends. Renjun on the other hand kept his guards up, not letting the other make his way into his life again. He tried to stray away from that, but he eventually gave in.

He was baking a cake for Chenle’s birthday, as a gift—bored while waiting for the cake he tried to call Donghyuck but the other seemed busy, that’s when he stumbled upon his recent exchange of hellos with Jaemin, so he messaged him and asked “Can I call rn?”

That’s where it all started again, they talked everyday and Jaemin didn’t mind it since he has someone but Renjun on the other hand started assuming things. He felt happy by just being able to stay by Jaemin’s side, even though he’s only a friend. He was always there for him, in times of trouble, pain, etc. Or even when Jaemin just needed a company, Renjun’s always there for him. He knows that it's a recipe for disaster, but Jaemin was his source of strength. Not until it came to the point where it only felt painful. He started wondering why does he need to suffer like this when he only wants to love.

It even came to the point where it’s just too much to handle, so he ran away again.

When he did, things started falling apart and it made a bigger mess. Renjun who was trained to be perfect started failing his subjects, he was feeling emotions that he couldn’t understand, and on top of that his parents discovered that he was gay. Not being able to handle everything all at once, the void that he was feeling was slowly eating him up—leaving nothing for him to be able to fight his very own demons.

Renjun who was once considered as Mr. Perfect, turned out to be a failure. He saw the disappointment in everyone’s eyes, he couldn’t handle it. He was craving for that warmth, the kind of warmth that his one and only light can provide, but that felt painful as well. A love that was once warm, felt like an abyss that will suck the life out of you.

Everything was just too much to handle, so for the last time—he sent that message again. After blocking him out of his life, after running away, he finally sent that message again, “Can I call right now?” he asked. It felt odd for Jaemin, to the point that he didn’t wait for the other to dial, but he called Renjun instead.

 _“Na Jaemin”_ Renjun uttered, it was evident that he was crying. Jaemin felt a pang in his heart, it was getting harder to breathe. _“Please let me speak first, and don’t cut me off.”_ Renjun asked of him.

 _“Na Jaemin, all I wish is for you to find happiness, a genuine one, because you deserve all the good things in the world. I really hope we meet again in another lifetime, one where we can’t feel this pain that we’re both going through right now. For the last time, I love you. Good bye Na Jaemin.”_ Renjun said which sent him shivers. He got back into reality when he realized that the call was cut off, Jaemin tried dialing again but he couldn’t. That’s when everything made sense, it felt like someone poured a bucket of ice on him. He quickly grabbed his keys, not minding the distance that he has to travel just to get to him.

Jaemin tried calling Renjun’s friend, to prevent what was going to happen. But he was late. When he got there, sirens were filling his head, his vision was blurring from the tears that was streaming down his face without even realizing. “That’s so fucking unfair. How could you leave like this?” Jaemin asked Renjun, knowing it’s a question that will never be answered.

Now, he’s standing in front of Renjun. There he was, smiling while wearing the yellow hoodie that he gave him. It took him years to finally be able to stand in front of him, he placed the bouquet of Jasmine flower on his tomb, _“Good bye Renjun.”_

**Author's Note:**

> (a/n): This one’s dedicated for someone who was very dear to me, I guess. I really had a hard time writing this because I lied numerous times about not having feelings for this person—but I’m just happy I got over it now. N e ways, thank you everyone for reading this. Pls leave me a kudos down there hehe


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